Just passed a group of bros in the parking lot. They were all wearing snapbacks and muscle shirts. As I passed I heard their conversation. The one bro was arguing, “Naw man, Dumbledore was a terrible caretaker, he literally sent kids into fucking death forest for detention. Messed up man.”
I bought my friend an elephant for their room.
They said “Thank you.”
I said “Don’t mention it.”
Is there a joke here that 15 thousand people get but I don’t?
apparently e.l. james called former child star mara wilson (matilda) a “sad f**k” for critiquing the 50shades books a while ago and now there’s a feud. i love it.
I have a love for her that runs deep.
*SHOUTING TO THE HEAVENS*
walkerflexasranger bye have you seen this
This is the greatest post ever.Lol!!bryantsupremeyou see this?
lmfao i wasnt expecting that
Wait….I should start watching/reading Harry Potter
DID I JUST GET FUCKING KISSED BY thE MOST ADORABLE FUCKING POKEMON IN EXISTENCe?
If you don’t have a Pikachu kissing you on your blog, then what blog are you running?
Not a very good one obviously.
all women were bigger and stronger than you
and thought they were smarter
women were the ones who started wars
too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos
and no K-Y Jelly
the state trooper
who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike
was a woman
and carried a gun
the ability to menstruate
was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs
your attractiveness to women depended
on the size of your penis
every time women saw you
they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands
women were always making jokes
about how ugly penises are
and how bad sperm tastes
you had to explain what’s wrong with your car
to big sweaty women with greasy hands
who stared at your crotch
in a garage where you are surrounded
by posters of naked men with hard-ons
men’s magazines featured cover photos
of 14-year-old boys
tucked into the front of their jeans
and articles like:
“How to tell if your wife is unfaithful”
“What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate”
“The truth about impotence”
the doctor who examined your prostate
was a woman
and called you “Honey”
you had to inhale your boss’s stale cigar breath
as she insisted that sleeping with her
was part of the job
you couldn’t get away because
the company dress code required
you wear shoes
designed to keep you from running
And what if
after all that
women still wanted you
to love them.
For the Men Who Still Don’t Get It, written 20 years ago by Carol Diehl.
She wrote a post about the history of this poem that is worth reading.
Being friends with me consists of me sending you bad jokes at 2:47 in the morning
listen up you motherfucker
- Me: ah, yes. Home alone. I can do whatever I want!
- Me: *turns TV up a couple notches*
- Me: *watches YouTube videos without headphones*
- Me: getting crazy up in here